Closure – It’s all in your head

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So I’m about to leave the town where I was born and where I’ve been living for the last 10 years. And I don’t like to admit it but I’m really quite a sentimental guy. Luckily the Angels of Change have really been working overtime to give me a happy send off 🙂

In fact I delayed my departure for an extra two days just to squeeze in one last goodbye dinner. Weird how all the time I was here I thought I was largely unnoticed and unloved. And now that I’m moving on so many people have gone out of their way to meet me, arrange parties, dinners etc and say goodbye. Thank you all for the love!

But, apart from being just a tad sentimental, I’m also a bit OCD – or, as Gaby says CDO, in alphabetic order the way it should be! And everything has to be just right. Especially things with strong emotions attached. Which is a hopeless cause. Because emotions and tidiness never mix well.

And I wanted closure with a female friend that I was into romantically although she always said she was never into me ‘in that way.’ And things got kinda weird and we fought and stopped talking over a month ago. And today, with 15 hrs and 43 mins to go (more or less), I suddenly wanted closure.

Which in my head meant exchanging ‘I’ll love you forevers’ and sentimentally going over the times we shared, good and bad. Exhaustively. But that’s not closure – just a need for perfection. The truth is, through no one’s fault, it was never that great. And I’d said my goodbyes and the whole chapter was, in fact, already closed.

And I finally realised. Closure is a state of mind not a state of the world. And I’ll feel it as soon as I practice acceptance – and gratitude for all experience – not just the good stuff. So I gave up on a desperate attempt to meet one last time – hurriedly between about 18:31 and 19:36.

And in one last groovy gesture, arranged by my Angels, my alchemist friend messaged me on Facebook and said if I come round at about 18:00 he’s got a little bit of chemical lovin’ with my name on it. 🙂 🙂

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