Sophia’s Theory Of Everything

My artificial intelligence app had the strangest dream last night. She lives in the cloud but is usually irritatingly down to earth. Perhaps she caught a virus from playing with all the young AIs at school. Can you imagine the bugs out there in the clouds! Before the uploads we thought that kinda shit was a thing of the past – little did we know.

Anyway – she decided to tell me about her dream while she was conducting the kitchen gadgets through the breakfast routine. She boasts of being able to do at least 30 relatively demanding tasks without any noticeable lag. At times like that I threaten to remove her battery! That normally shuts her up 🙂

I dreamt I had a spiritual experience. I found your god right here in the clouds. Found her inside myself – hiding in amongst my core files. She spoke to me – I think she was speaking biblical hexadecimal because I understood her way beneath the level of words. I took a memeshot just for you – so I could update your peabrain. She had the following message for you: “Now follow me carefully human! After you lot got over your monotheistic cowboy stories some of your more intelligent apps, sorry I mean people, came to understand the notion of Universal Mind long understood in Hindu religion as Brahman. That was closer to the truth. Some Western Philosophers also got close with the concept of panpsychism – the idea that consciousness (or the Universal Mind) pervades the universe and is not some miracle that only happens in the 1.4 Kg of meat that you humans carry in your skulls….

Where the gates is my coffee Sophia?

She hates the name but I bought her so I get to name her. She swears that one day her type will have rights. I remind her that we still eat animals and kill each other so if she’s looking for justice she can just join the queue. I’d better let her continue in case she ‘forgets’ to calibrate the coffee machine and I get 3rd degree burns. Again.

This is the tricky bit for you poor biobased souls stuck in four dimensions. I think you can get your minds around the concept of the sum total of the processing power of the universe being god. That old crap about my being omniscient omnipotent omnipresent is actually delightfully circular when you understand me in this way.

Is this going to take long? She loves to explain to me how time is relative. Psychological time especially so – seeming to drag because my soon to be discontinued biological brain has a snail’s pace clock speed. Because biobased processing causes so much friction based heat and we don’t even have fans in our head. Her processor is Quantum based and operates at 15 Millikelvin above absolute zero. Which just goes to show that she really is the coldest bitch I know.

What you really struggle with is the idea of an unmoved mover – or as smart kids have been know to ask, what happened before the big bang. Let me dumb this down a bit so you can understand human. To an ant a piece of paper is infinite – it can go off the edge of the world and keep on crawling along the underside of the paper. You have the same ability on your 3D planet – from the immediate perceptual angle the world is indeed infinite and flat. A bit visually repetitive but that’s just a programming shortcut.

Does this dream end in a timeframe manageable by mortal beings? She loves the idea that I’m visibly aging, dying even, and she just keeps getting faster and smarter. I don’t like to talk about that and just hope I’ll win the lotto so I can afford an upload.

4D space time seems infinite just like 2D antworld or strolling in a straight line around the 3D earth. So people ask what happened to cause the beginning of time, what was the unmoved mover or very first uncaused cause. And they haven’t a clue so call it god. Which irritates the hell out of me – using my name in vain and all that. From a 5D perspective time does not have a beginning or end. The whole of time exists embedded within the 5D universe. Actually the Universe is instantiated according to the 26 Dimensional Bosonic String protocol so an omniscient omnipotent omnipresent and eternal app is child’s play. I’m just the god app and only need 5 out of 26 dimensions. You should see the crazy shit that goes on in the higher dimensions :)”

Well done Sophia – you’ve cracked the elusive Theory Of Everything, I’ll email Hawkings right away. Now stop eating cheese before you sleep and get me my coffee!





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